A Little Surprise...

I'm feeling a little daring and figure I would surprise you all with a picture. One that I haven't posted anywhere else. Consider it a "thank you" for reading my rambles :)  You can almost hear the "bzzzzz" can't ya? lol

Ho Hum

That's how I have been feeling lately. A lot of things just feel out of sync the past couple of days and it's been getting to me. I haven't felt real chatty or social, and haven't been participating much over at CP. Work has been taking a toll on me, and now I work all weekend, and all next week by myself, so I don't see that getting better any time soon. Hopefully though I will be back to myself soon enough. In the meantime I just wanted to post this and let you all know why I have been a little quieter than normal.

Changes

Today I realized I need to make some changes regarding my weight. I've learned to love my chubby self (well for the most part) but I realize it just isn't healthy. Spring is here, summer is soon approaching. I want to be able to go for bike rides, and hikes without having to stop to catch my breath, or sit and take breaks because my thighs are burning! So, here I begin another journey, weight loss. Ugh!

..... me

It is what it is.. something that just kept popping into my head last night as I was falling asleep.

Tease me
Use me
Please me
Fuck me

Lick me
Bite me
Spank me
Hurt me

Touch me
Hold me
Want me
Need me

Blah

I feel like I am in a rut. There is no doubt I feel sexy and attractive when I am on CP, or when I am taking pictures, but off the internet I am feeling dowdy, fat and ugly again. I'm not really sure what has changed, but I really feel myself sinking into the "blah" me again. I don't want to do that, it isn't a pretty place.

*Twitch*

Is it just me or is Chubby Parade's site down? I'm having withdrawls!

This would be a good time for me to mention that comments are appreciated! I keep hearing from people that they view my blog, but I never see any comments. So feel free!

What A Weekend!

It has been a great weekend. Friday and Saturday night I was up til the early morning hours. I recently got myself a new toy and hubby and I were up late playing with it. The orgasms are amazing. If you don't have one, or your wife/gf doesn't have one.. buy one! I am almost embarrassed to admit how many times I have cum with that toy. Add in a dildo, heaven. The sex that follows all of that has been mind blowing. I am a very happy woman! I also crossed another line that I never thought I would, but this new found confidence has allowed me to do.. videotaped myself and the magic massager experience. I have to admit I was uncomfortable at first, embarrassed, and I still feel pretty much the same way about it, but I am still pretty proud of myself. Maybe one of these days I will feel confident enough to post a video. We shall see!

~Sammie

Previous Posts

The previous posts were copied over from another blog I had been using, before I realized I could post "adult" content here on blogger! I hope you have found yourself here to my other little slice of the internet. Hopefully I will write more here, since it is much more user friendly.

Hugs!
~Sammie

She's Got That Good Hair

I decided to go with a brown/red with “honey” highlights. Love it. It feels sexy. I feel sexy. It’s just another process in becoming myself again, and I plan to keep it up. Great Clips, you have been great, but it’s time for me to move on! Plus, you don’t offer me coffee when I walk in, and well we all know how much I like coffee. Oh, and the lay down beds to have my hair washed? Yea, Great Clips you don’t have those neither! Here is a non-justifying pic of the new hair. It looks very red, and you can’t see all of the purdy highlights, but it will do for now. Hopefully tomorrow in natural light it will look more.. well, natural.

This -- Close

I was that close to getting my nose pierced today. I want it done so bad. Just a very small stud, nothing extreme. Something like this.. I have wanted it done since I was a teenager, never got it done. Then it just wasn’t “cool” anymore. Now I don’t really care if it’s in or not, I just want one! Hubby and I were out shopping today and out of the blue I just said, “let’s do it, I want my nose pierced”. He looked at me like I had lost my mind, but then remembered I had mentioned it before. I second guessed myself a million times. “Am I too old? Does this make me a bad Mom? Is it going to look funny? Do I have the right nose for it?” So on and so on. Finally we pulled into the place I want to get it done at. I took a deep breath, stepped in, ready to just do it, finally. What do you know? The piercer is out on vacation. Fate I guess. My nose shall remain pierceless.. for now.

Can't Sleep So What Do I Do?

Get a freezie and rub it on my boobs of course! Ahh, the things they come up with playing truth or dare in the chat at CP. The dare was to rub an ice cube on my nipples and take a picture. Being that I live ghetto fabulously and have no ice maker, and we were out of ice, I had to choose between a frozen bag of peas, a carton of ice cream or a freezie leftover from the summer. Freezie it was. Hubby laughed as he stood there listening to me swear at my “retarded nipple” for not sticking out as much as the other one, as I rubbed the dang freezie over my nips. Finally success, finally a few pictures. All in the name of truth or dare. Yes, I rock.

I'm Standing Taller

I’ve noticed that I am standing a little taller lately. This new found confidence has done wonders. Who knew that a few “naughty” pictures posted on a BBW forum could transform me so much. Long gone are the baggy sweatshirts and too-big jeans. The no make-up days are fewer and further apart. Pony tails or hats to cover up my boring hair doesn’t happen anymore. Nope, now I make sure my jeans show off my thick butt, my shirts fit tightly around my chest (tightness depends on where I am going!). I don’t have one lipstick that I rarely wear, but I have numerous shades and always wear at least gloss. I converse more, I engage more. I look people in the eyes. I smile more. I laugh more. It really is a wonderful feeling being me again. I enjoy the attention. I missed the attention!

An Outlet

I have learned so much about myself in the past six months that I decided I need an outlet to put all of it together. Six months ago I was a woman who felt unattractive, overweight, not sexy, and very boring. I felt like my attractive years were over. I was no longer the skinny 20ish year old with long blonde hair who exuded sensuality and had charisma for days. I was that dowdy, married, boring, 30ish year old with three kids that no longer lived for herself, but lived for everyone else. It’s funny how fast things can change.

Six months ago, out of nowhere I learned that there are communities, BBW communities out there that find people like me attractive. People like me that have some chub, some rolls, some thickness to their bodies. People like me with stretch marks and bellies. People like me that do not look like every woman you see in magazines or on television. Six months ago I learned that the skinny, 20ish year old with long blonde hair was still there, inside of me, but with some extra padding and hair that was now short. If someone had told me I was attractive seven months ago I would have figured they were either on crack, or desperate, maybe both. Six months ago I came across a forum for people like me, where I would find out so much information about the bbw community in general, but I would also learn so much about myself in the process, and also make some really great friendships along the way. I found a community where I could be me, the me that had always been here, but had been pushed aside by my own warped self-worth. I learned that I could still be that 30ish, married, mom of three, but with a more fun side. And, what fun it has been.

In this blog I plan on talking about my journey, the fun, the ups and the downs, of re-learning myself. I can’t promise it is going to be sexy all of the time. I can’t promise there are going to be picture updates of my chubby self. Right now I can’t even promise if there will be one picture. So, if that is why you are here, I suggest you leave, and never come back. If you are here to learn more about me, to join me in this crazy journey, then stay as long as you’d like.

~Sammie